Some time ago I went with my family on holiday to Morocco. It was not fun. I couldn't keep my mask up for each, and every minute whilst being surrounded by direct and indirect family. There was so little time for me to unwind, even sleeping in the same room as them. We went to dinner with two of my cousins that I never met before. It was a guy late twenties and a girl early twenties. The girl was so nice! she was silent, polite, very reserved. Homely looking but cute you know. The type that won't put on makeup to mask obvious flaws while she still looks good and doing so would cost her some of her soul. Afterwards my parents were discussing her. My mom was suggesting some guy for her to marry (another cousin of ours as apparently that stuff is normal here). My father responded with something difficult to translate.. something you say when you hear something blasphemous or so awful you ask want to ask forgiveness for god for even hearing it. He was saying how she is retarded as she was not able to speak up and she stayed silent the whole time. That it would be an punishment for anyone to marry someone like her. I fking lost it. I told him “Really, I am silent and never speak up. You think I am retarded?" he was immediately retreating saying no i don't mean it like that blah blah. I started berating him for continuously telling me I should be more invested in my extended family while he kept talking negatively about them behind their backs. I think I walked out afterwards. I was tilted as fk. I am not sure what it was. The fact that I was forced to be around people for the whole week, the juxtaposition between my opinion of her and my families, me projecting my parents thoughts on me or me just wanting to white knight this girl. Either way, since my parents sometimes 'joke' that I should marry her. But then stop themselves as they think there is something wrong with her... Honestly if there was no taboo on cousin marriages in the west, and I would be ready for marriage, I would be down. Much rather someone like her than a botoxed caked up face without personality. This girl has a soul. I could sense it. I just don't get how others are not able to see it. Someone who is silient and reserved yet clearly present and aware clearly has deep soul.

We don't have to worry about any of this though, as you the furthest removed from me genetically as one could be, yet so close spiritually that we might as well be twins. See you soon Somi.