I am fake. I am fake around my family. Around my friends. Around my colleagues. Even around you. I feel like I always put on some kind of act. The real me can come out if certain conditions are met, but they have not and likely will not. Meaning I will remain fake. For people like me there is a real cost to this. Even I need social connection. Genuine social connection and acceptance which can not really be found in fake masks one puts on. It isn't easy to pull it off either. My younger sibling noticed me having emotional pain from social interaction with family and asking me wether I want to be here with them or are forced to be there. I said I am an adult no one forces me, if I am here then I want to be here. They asked me again saying: "seriously, answer the question". What do I say? No I do not want to be here. I want to reduce my interaction with every normal well adjusted person to an absolute minimum? I do not to want to have small talk with any of you, including my family? Having them know that my interaction is devoid of genuine interest would be sad. I said yes. I want to be here. Next time I will try to pretend better.