Today I saw a stereotypical slightly overweight covered muslim mother in the train station dressed in black. She was walking with a teenage boy who was clearly mentally challenged. Looked like down syndrome or something. It made me think about how they are able to deal with having children that do not believe in god when the child lacks the capacity to believe. I don't think the mom would get mad if her child expressed disbelief of god as "He does not know any better". They don't see it the same way for children that are 'intelligent' enough to believe, not realizing that the capacity for believe does not overlap neatly with whatever they deem as intelligence. It might be because the lack of capacity for religious believe is not as palpable as retardation is. Yet those who lack this capacity.. There should be a word for it. Religitards I'm coining it. These religitards should get the same treatments other retards and young children get. They operate in a world where god does not exist, it falls outside their mental ability to believe in some invisible eternal thing that has human concepts of morals and judges our actions based on some religious stories. These people should be automatically be granted access to heaven for their mental challenged existence if one where truly prescribed to the religious doctrine, instead of ostracized.

Unfortunately I can not claim religitardation. I think I have the capacity to believe, at least I did have it when I was younger. Even though since my teenage years I have found myself falling more into this godless world, the small embers still exist, and are able to be nurtured to a flame, I'm sure. I don't think many people lack this capacity. More will claim fake inability with mantras such as 'It must be nice to believe', 'I wish I had faith!' while exploring each continent of the external world while their exploration of spirituality consists of downloading a mediation app. Still for the select few, this inability is real. I imagine that it's especially hard for those who take things too literally, struggle with stories, metaphors and have a hard time relating to any experience not directly communicated. God to them is as an embrace from the other kind is to me. An alien concept where the correct words might be produced but there be no experiencing it.

Maybe your existence can help me with this. A prelude for to believing in god might be the believe of any immaterial being, the existence of you as an powerful agent, being a goddess of my inner world which one day might open me up to a god that encompasses both worlds. Till then take care Somi.